brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize