I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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