Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
