Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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