I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
