I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
