Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
