There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They have beer where we have blood.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
