I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
