You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
