umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
