Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
