Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
