I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize