He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
