Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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