also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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