I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
