idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
