sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
