Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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