Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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