when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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