he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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