wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
