stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
