The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
