There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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