proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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