i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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