I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize