don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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