I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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