soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
