You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
