wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
