I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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