At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
