So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize