Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
