i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
