Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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