god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
