I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
