I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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