so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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