I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize