dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We are two peas in an std pod
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
