Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
