my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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