matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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