goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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