Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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