Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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