Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
