please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
