Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
