32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
