i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
