If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
