wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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