Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
