Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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