so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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