You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
