Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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