I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
