The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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