i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
