i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
