He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
