Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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