I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
