She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize