I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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