where am i from again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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