i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think brook has ever known best
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hippo gnu deer
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize