Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
