im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
