i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
