I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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