party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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