I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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