Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
