dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
