i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
