I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
