i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
