She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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