Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
