I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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