Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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