Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
